Who knew butt plugs could be hilarious? And that butt stuff can be funny? I didn’t, until I found the GlowFuckYourself store. So if you want to put the “play” back in “anal play”; if you want to get your submissive more involved in your geeky interest; or if you want to have a peek into your sub’s mind, look no further. Also, even if you are not looking to purchase anymore toys, you can spend a very enjoyable afternoon checking out their store and thinking up new games to try later. Seriously, I spend a lot of time laughing out loud in preparing this post. So.. Let’s dive right in! (heh)
GlowFuckYourself helps out with the funny business
If you’re new to all this and have a hard time finding the right spots on your partner’s body, this light up plug is the toy for you. Or, as the sellers on GlowFuckYourself put it: “Cast some light where the sun don’t shine, brighten up your night!” Which basically means the same thing, I guess.
Though there’s not many kinky games I can think of using this plug (unless I’d like to question someone’s private parts?); this one makes me want to start a buttplug collection. And I wouldn’t just add this to my collection, it would be very useful to light the display! So, let’s just call this one a novelty for the professional butt plug collector.
Another toy that looks useful but isn’t, really, is this “phone mounting butt plug.” I guess there would be some specific uses in case of LATrelationships, or maybe for Doms with attention disorders, but again, this is basically a collectors item. And what a collection it will be!
Though of course, my imagination could just be limited… The GlowFuckYourself people are a bit more creative. For example, they have a very relatable movie-suggestion: ” Remember that weird ass scene in American psycho where he’s banging and points at himself in the mirror? THAT COULD BE YOU HOMIE!!” Well, let’s leave it at Your Kink’s Not My Kink And That’s Okay.
Geeks: GlowFuckYourself
Yep, this one is for the geeks. The table top game fans. And the conspiracy theorists.
Alien Invasion
As with any type of play, of course, the first thing you need to worry about is protection. It’s important that you carefully choose your partners, and communicate your limits. Well, this “probe protection” plug can help! If you are ever abducted by aliens, you do not want to be caught without one of these.
Now, other than the previous two, I really can see practical uses for this one. Because the aliens will have heard of “consent,” right? The geniuses at GlowFuckYourself recommend: “Sleep tight knowing that your final frontier is protected from grays, lizard people, star beings and other intergalactic space invaders, never leave home with out it!” Well, I couldn’t agree more.
With the roll of the dice
But seriously, the toys are increasing in usefulness here.
I think we’ve all been at that point when we’re about to start a table top game (we should appropriate that term in the kink communities, I think…) and cannot find the dice. Or maybe your partner doesn’t like games but you still want to include them..
Well, fret no longer because the “D20 twerk-o-matic booty dice butt plug” is here! Forget the ashtrays, now you have a dice rolling slave. And this one is better, because in order to perform their function, they have to… well, yes, shake their booty. Which is waaay more fun.
If you like games: GlowFuckYourself
Yeah, now we are getting somewhere. So, like I said, we’re putting the “play” back in “anal play,” with the next items.
An all-American foot(ball) fetish
Yep, that’s right! You can now play a nice game of American Finger Football with your Dominant friends, using your subs’ asses as goal holders. I think this is a must-have for any fetish party. Or to play during half time at your Super Bowl party!
By the way, if you check out this store, pay extra attention to the discriptions. Here is another masterpiece: “With enough practice and flexibility, you could be the best of the best, the Dan Marino of butt holes, the Joe Montana of booty..the Shaq of sexball, from the industry leaders in butt stuff, GlowFuckYourself.com”
Going old school on your ass
When did being an ass become a bad thing? Another term we need to reclaim. So: be the ass of the party and get yourself some tail with this “Pin the tail” plug!
If you throw your little/big girl/boi a party, this one is guaranteed to make it a success! Oh, and to make it even better, this plug also comes in wolf and rainbow editions. With ears. I guess these people do not believe in the concept of overkill.
Become a mindreader with GlowFuckYourself
So, I complained in a previous post (the one on the movie 9 1/2 Weeks) that Dominants are usually portrayed as mindreaders. And that in real life they usually turn out to be human (especially if you use the anti-alien buttplug) and incapable of reading minds. Well, here’s the solution!
Shaking up the answers
The Magic 8-ball buttplug is a great if you have gagged your sub but still want to ask them questions. Just let them shake it up and let their backside answer for them! This is better than Wikipedia! All the questions you have ever had about your partner can finally be answered. And if you don’t like the answer, just spank them and see if you like the next one better!
I think this idea is absolutely amazing, though I do wonder how well the actual 8-ball works. So, definately a nice addition to my fictional butt plug collection!
How does your butt feel?
If you’d like to go a little deeper (xD) go for the Mood Ring Buttplug instead! You can check the temperature in the room by just having a look at your partner’s bum. And let’s be honest, you were looking at it anyway.
This Mood Ring Buttplug shows you exactly how your partner is feeling, even if they are unable to say so themselves (again, the gags). Read their minds without taking your eyes off the price. See? I told you we were increasing in practicality?
Disclaimer: Please do not use these products to replace healthy communication?
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