I would like you all to meet the self-proclaimed posterchild of BDSM and race play, and my personal hero, Mollena Williams-Haas. This performer and educator has been a spokesperson for BDSM and race play for years. She flew around the world giving workshops; visiting conventions; and making videos. She is one of the few black women to date who has repeatedly and openly spoken in defence of race play. Also, she found the love of her life and told the story of their lucky BDSM romance in a show that can be found on Youtube. (see below)
In some BDSM circles she was already well-known, but those circles have expanded ever since she met her husband; Master; and world-famous composer Georg Friedrich Haas. This out and proud Master-slave couple ade the papers with their non-conforming relationship. And only last year a documentary was made about them. In the video below, shot a few months after Georg and Mollena met, Mollena tells the story of their meeting. Not only is this a very cute and hilarious telling of the beginning of their lucky BDSM romance, it actually brings up some of the problems dating as a kinkster can bring .
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weHPSnnPe68&w=560&h=315]
How to get a lucky BDSM romance
Apart from being humorous and very sweet about her new romance, in this story, Mollena actually brings up a couple of things that every kinkster will probably have dealt with at some point of their lives: how to find a suitable partner. As a strong and spirited woman and “Certified Trembling Flower of Submission”, she was approached by a lot of men asking her to dominate them. And told by dominants she was intimidating. (Does that problem sound familiar? It does to me…) Not only can it be difficult for strong people to find a dominant to “tame” them; there are other complications as well when it comes to BDSM romance.
Many views exist on what it means to have a submissive or own a slave. What are your responsibilities and to what extent should the relationship be one of powerplay? What are the respective responsibilities of both parties? Who should take care of whom and in what way? Of course, a lot can be negotiated. However, more than in the standard vanilla relationship, a kinkster will have thought through what they do and do not want in a relationship, which can empty the fishing pond quite a bit. The same is true for specific fetishes. Though it is not necessary to have a perfect alignment of desires for a relationship to work; to have your most pressing needs met by your partner is preferable. So how do you deal with a situation where your amazing and loving partner has “South Park style” cravings that you list under “hard limits”?
Getting lucky
The way Mollena addresses these questions is amazing to me. The performative and comedic qualities of her presentation of her story make the video extremely entertaining, but also very relatable. It takes the format of a comedian talking about online-dating experiences. But it turns out to be a real-life lucky BDSM romance. So don’t despair. Even if you have to wait for forty years for someone you don’t think exists, there’s always the chance you will get very lucky.